Kansas Snapshots by Gloria Freeland - February 21, 2025

Horse apples

Every now and then, something happens that just leaves me scratching my head. Today is one of those days!

But first, in the spirit of full disclosure, I need to share a pet peeve. While I have a hunch many will find what I am about to say as odd or maybe a bit humorous, for me it is more than that. It's related to "one of those things" most of us have - something that irritates us well beyond any measure of importance. It's like when I bump my reading glasses. Anything that pushes them into my brow creates a sharp pain that for about five seconds turns this mild-mannered country girl into a swearing machine.

Daughter Mariya has a similar reaction when she discovers someone has parked a car on her property - a common happening as there is an apartment complex nearby. Husband Art has ones as well. As an example, he can get bent out of shape when I am supposed to be his "go-fer" on some project ... and then I wander off as I am prone to do, distracted by other things I feel need attention while I am in waiting mode.

The particular irritation I am referring to here is automobile noise. One flavor involves a driver who seems to think I share his or her taste in music and so, plays it at a level that interferes with my very thinking. This may involve an open-window transfer of acoustic mayhem created by cranking the volume high on the offender's media playing system. Or it may employ specially-installed equipment which really amps up the bass notes. In this version, one doesn't so much hear sounds from the perpetrating vehicle as feel them.

But today's focus is engine noise. I'm not speaking about the quiet hum of most cars as they go on their way. Even a brawny truck using its power plant to bring a big load up to speed doesn't bother me at all. But the puny little car that is revved repeatedly at sound levels surpassing what emanates from most 18-wheelers really gets my dander up! It allows me to understand road rage just a little.

Part of this is it goes against my Midwestern self-effacing nature. It represents a rupture in our finely-tuned ways and seems to be screaming, "Look at me."

OK, I know. It's just a "thing" with me. Even Art finds my reaction somewhat amusing.

For that matter, he has a habit of running his cars until there isn't much left of them. They go straight from daily use to the salvage yard. Several years ago, he drove a small Mazda on which the whole muffler system had rusted and fallen off.

But even it made less racket than some of these attention-seekers' vehicles.

I prefer a car that purrs, rather than one that imitates a machine gun. Some of the new electrics are so quiet that they seem downright stealthy. I can almost feel my love for them growing as I contemplate moving silently to my destination.

So what brought all this on? Well, the blame falls entirely on our North American-turned Norwegian friend Brock. Brock can write blogs on almost any topic, and he investigates the subject matter so thoroughly that often there is very little additional one might add. Such was the case with his February 13 offering which compared various electric vehicles.

Buried in the thick carpet of words laid down was a little crumb that almost passed unnoticed. He first left me confused as what he suggested was just so inconceivable. But when I realized I had not misunderstood and he was serious, I was, borrowing from my British friends, "gobsmacked!"

Those words? "... a Fratzonic chambered exhaust."

Say what? Electric vehicles don't need exhaust systems! And Fratzonic?

A little research revealed what I suspected - "Fratzonic" is a made-up word morphed from yet another made-up word. The Fratzog is a name created by the Stellantis automobile company, back when they were known as Chrysler. It is the name of a particular logo owned by the company. Pillsbury has its dough boy; Aflac has its duck; Stellantis has the Fratzog.

So the "Fratzonic chambered exhaust" is a particular exhaust system made by Stellantis.

But what is it? Are you ready for this? It is a sound system installed in an electric vehicle to make it sound like an un-muffled gasoline engine!

And we are NOT speaking of the comforting hum of a new Mercedes. We're talking about sound levels just shy of those a jet engine creates at full throttle. It doesn't so much say, "Look at me," as daring you to see if you can think of anything else.

For those so inclined, there is a "silent" position where the fake exhaust system is disabled - but you still pay for it!

Now I admit I do not understand taking new jeans and tearing holes in them so they look old. Yes, I know it is "fashion," but this sounds like putting a driver in a driverless car just because cars have needed them in the past. Adding noise just for the sake of adding noise?

What's next? Perhaps a button the driver can press that causes "horse apples" to drop from the trunk area so the driver can go back to an earlier day and have a more "horse-drawn" experience?

Now that I think about it, this shares a lot with horse apples ... and I am not referring to a hedgeapple!